TODAY'S WOMAN: How We See Her.

According to Teresa Okure (SHCJ), “the standpoint from which we view an object or person determines to a large extent, what we see in the person on or object”. She went on to say that “if we change our standpoint, or move the object/person around, we get a different view of the same object or person”. Having noted that, it would be important to point out that an individual’s standpoint or point of view is not independent. It is hinged on personal ideologies, idiosyncrasies, prejudice, orientation and societal influences.

The above observations are important for this analogy on today’s woman.

Often times, depending on where one looks, what one reads, or where one finds him or herself, one can’t help hearing or reading of young ladies being classified as materialistic, immoral, lazy, opportunists, promiscuous and so on, and so forth. These classification of ladies today are not necessarily attributed to a few, but are used to erroneously generalize.

The aim of this write up is not to dispute that there are actually some ladies who rightly fall under that classification, rather, it is aimed at, among other things, to highlight why some men (and a few women) who are guilty of such generalization actually come across ladies who leave such negative impressions about the whole. The reasons are very simple; point of view and personal attitudes.

A lot of us have a point of view that is negatively skewed, and this might be attributed to operating in a system/society where things tend to go wrong than right. Such people see everything from a negative standpoint. Another possible reason for having a negative point of view towards the female gender might be due to cultural and religious indoctrination.

In the aspect of personal attitudes, it could be observed that some men who classify all women in such manner are morally bankrupt, possess low self esteem, lack life purpose and merely exist. Equipped with such attributes, they can only attract or see ladies that are like themselves, simply because like attracts like, unlike gender where opposites attract.

Based on these simple analysis of a couple of factors that can prompt someone to view females wrongly, the irrationality behind such erroneous generalization becomes quite glaring, which makes their opinion to be seen as void of reason.

As earlier stated, our point of view determines what we see. This writer prides himself in having a point of view that enables him to identify value in an environment where most people see trash. The writer holds a completely different point of view on today’s woman. Moved by the late Chinua Achebe’s saying, “If you don't like someone's story, write your own”, he has decided to write about a few of the type of ladies he has, and continues to come across, with the hope of awakening the sensibilities of the reader that such ladies live among us.

This write up is definitely not about the Michelle Obamas, the Ellen Johnson Sirleafs, nor the Condoleezza Rices we read about in the newspapers or see on TV. It is about ladies among us that could pass off as the average lady at a cursory glance. It’s about those ladies that possess similar qualities like the biblical Esther. They are humble, gentle, tender and submissive; yet are achieving great feats that would definitely intimidate men with the wrong mindsets.

Esther is being referred to in this write-up simply because, these days, most feminists and women liberationists are of the opinion that women can only make a mark when they assume the attributes of men. The writer finds such ideology not only disturbing, but also offensive to the women it is actually meant to motivate, because it implies that women can’t achieve anything with the tools given to them by nature. They need the tools given to men. Well, we all remember how that worked out for Queen Vashti (in the same book of Esther).

It is no error of nature that women are biologically, emotionally and physiologically different from men. Such difference, as perceived by the writer, does not indicate weakness as most people tend to believe. A difference can only be a sign of weakness when misapplied, or not applied at all.

The ladies mentioned below, and a host of others too numerous to mention, quash the generally held misconception on a daily basis.

Arinola Oluwa (@areenolar): The writer has been friends with Arin (as she keeps reminding her friends) for a little over a year now (thanks to Social Media), and only recently met her in person. All who have come across Arin would attest to the grace which she exudes in her carriage. She is quite an intelligent young lady with a captivating smile, great sense of humour, and above all, very simple. Arin, though very conscious of her self-worth at all times, is ever so humble. She is one of the few ladies who are successfully maintaining a career in a male-dominated corporate world. She also finds time to write, and you can read some of her thoughts on her personal blog.

Edidiong Udoeyop (@afiauyaishyne): Didi has been known by the writer for about 4 months and they actually met a month after becoming friends. She is nothing but a brilliant lady with a great sense of humour, though you don’t get to see that at a first glance. Rather, when you meet Didi for the first time, you see someone who looks kind of delicate, calm and somewhat naïve. But wait till you both get talking, she switches to one who is highly intellectual. Didi is one of few ladies who are loyal fans of Tupac. She can actually recite 80% of his lyrics off the top of her head. She is a practicing lawyer, and also pursues her private PR business.

Laide Olabode (@exschoolnerd): Now, Laide is one lady that every Nigerian who is active on Social Media must have come across. If you haven’t heard, or read anything from, or about Laide on any relevant Social Media platform, then your online activities must be suspect.

The writer has known Laide for about 7 yrs now, since 2006. Laide was first spotted on Nairaland, then on to (the late) Hi5, to Facebook, and then to Twitter. It is with regret that the writer states that he is yet to meet Laide. Some people (men in particular) have described Laide as a towering female giant, standing somewhere over 6ft. Well, if you all must know, she has a sense of humour that is way taller than she is, with an IQ of the likes of Mozart and Newton. She is simply a lady of many parts. As far as Social Media is concerned, she remains the most reliable and responsible Social Media publicist. How she manages to balance her corporate work with PR activities, blogging, and just being simple at heart, is beyond imagination. She is presently with Trace Urban, after a few years with MTV Networks. She has successfully managed PR activities for MTV Networks, Trace Urban, Spinlet, and SURE-P, just to mention a few. She was the one behind the “Sunday at the Bay” activities a few years back. She often expresses her humorous and sarcastic wit on her personal blog.

Ifeoma Nwoke (@pajintus): The writer has been friends with Pajin for about 5 yrs now, but only got to meet her in person in November of 2011, in Lagos State. Pajin is best described as someone who is strong-willed. She doesn’t believe that anything she sets her mind to cannot be achieved. The writer met Pajin at a time she was making arrangements for the 2^nd edition of “Facebook Friends Party”. She was actually ill at the time and would have been bed-ridden if she were someone else, but her drive was such that everyone who assisted her in one way or the other to make the event possible, drew from her energy, instead of the other way round. Despite her strong-will, what wins people over is her humility, friendly disposition and simplicity. At a first glance, she might leave you with the impression that she is clueless. That impression fades away faster than dusk fades at the rising of the sun, the moment you start interacting with her. Pajin is the brain behind “Facebook Friends Party”, a social activity that was specifically designed to curb the malaise of encountering fraudsters on Facebook. It aims at getting people to get to meet their Facebook friends one on one. She is the C.E.O of PAJIN CONCEPT and she is into Event Management, Interior Decorations and Brand Promotions.

Maureen Nwachukwu (@mornacky): Maureen has been friends with the writer for a very long time. Maureen is simply a hilarious character. She could get the Devil laughing out loud. Her sense of humour is off the charts. But beneath all that sense of humour, lies a very intelligent, analytical and creative mind. Maureen is mischievously multilingual, with a professional grasp of German and French languages among others. She manages to balance her corporate work with her private professional language-interpreting services.

Ugo Chiori (@AdaOhafia1): Snazzydawn is someone that exudes brilliance, creativity, gentility and spirituality. The writer has known her for about 6 years. Though he hasn’t met her, he finds time to keep up with her achievements. Sometime last year, while the writer was in Lagos, he wasn’t surprised to see SnazzyDawn on NTA’s Young Entrepreneurs that was aired on their satellite channel on DSTV. She is the MD/C.E.O of Cupcakesdotcom in Uyo and Abuja. Her cakes are on display at Silverbird Galleria, Abuja.

Susan Ekpoh (@baybbootz) Of all the ladies mentioned here, Susan is the youngest of the lot. The writer has known Susan for about 6 years. Her enthusiasm, passion for excellence, sense of purpose and commitment to activities never ceases to amaze him. She is a very young lady who just cannot fit into any negative description of today’s woman. At such a young age, she is an employer of labour, the C.E.O of Metro Domestics, while pursuing her studies to become a certified professional pilot. Take a bow.

Apart from these ladies mentioned above, the writer has recently come across Grace Ihejiamaizu, who was named among Google’s 12 Brightest Young Minds in 2011 and recognized by the US State Department as an International Exchange Alumni Member for the Month of September 2012, among other honours. She set up the Raising Young Productive Entrepreneurs (RYPE) initiative that has trained, engaged and empowered over 350 young people. She runs www.opportunitydesk.org (@OpportunityDesk).

There are also people like Blossom Nnodim (@blcompere) – founder of Blossom Blcompere; and Esther Agbarakwe (@estherclimate), the great women behind the #AdoptATweep initiative and other initiatives.

These are ladies that just don’t exist as a function of men. Though they are all independent, high achieving ladies conquering the so-called “man’s world”, they also possess those biblical qualities and virtues that would enable them carry out the roles of wives and mothers. These ladies are not the so called immoral or materialistic ladies. They are unassuming, virtuous, gentle, caring, friendly and empathetic. This makes the writer certain that they would be submissive, subservient and supportive as wives, while being protective, instructive and educative as mothers.

Ladies like these exist in every corner of the earth, depending on where and how one looks. Coming across such ladies and their likes is made possible by possessing a point of view very different from that which most people possess today. Remember that it is what one is looking out for that one sees. This write-up is aimed at changing the wrong perception some people have of today’s women; and also to challenge the few ladies who create the wrong impression which some misguided fellows use in judging the whole, to re-model their characters and attitudes into something that would be applauded and emulated.