#EBOLA: How May We Help You?

It was on the 1st of October, 2014, that I learned of the first reported case of Ebola in the United States of America. My instant reaction was "how come?". That was until I read the news article further. In that news article, it was revealed that Mr. Thomas Duncan (now deceased) had travelled home to Liberia and back to the USA within the past month.  I then said to myself "well, this is the USA. They will get it under control in no time, without seeking any form of aid". I had no doubt whatsoever about that particular thought until I heard that the USA were -at the time- looking to send a team to Nigeria to study how Nigeria successfully got Ebola under control within 2 months, with no more than 8 recorded deaths. At that point, I thought to myself that something must have definitely gone wrong with the balance of the universe. But why not? Imagine the United States of America seeking to learn from Nigeria. What a moment. The same Nigeria where over 200 girls have been held in captivity for over 6 months by the dreaded terrorist sect, Boko Haram? The same Nigeria where the private jet of the President of the Christian Association of Nigeria got detained in South Africa for having on board an undeclared sum of $9.3m said to be for the procurement of arms? The same Nigeria where the petroleum regulatory body, NNPC, keeps getting implicated in gross mis-appropriation of funds, with no one ever getting sacked or charged to court? The same Nigeria where the President, on National Television, said there's nothing like corruption, but simple petty-stealing in Nigeria? The list is endless. But what is worthy of note is that amidst all the negative and corrupt (petty stealing) practices going on in Nigeria, there exist some good that countries like the USA are willing to learn from.

Being what we are as Nigerians, we are of course ready to educate the USA, and other interested countries, on how we kicked Ebola (not Polio) out of our country. But before we do, we would like to know how far the USA are willing to go to put what we teach into practice. If they are committed to observing our instructions to the last letter, then we have no other thing to do than to educate. Okay then, here goes nothing.

First things first, now that Ebola is in the USA, the Republicans (opposition) should raise their voice and call out the ruling Democrats for shirking in their responsibility to successfully protect their borders, which has led to the arrival of Ebola in God's own country. The Press Secretary of the USA, director of the CDC, and all others who praised the USA's capability to use ZMapp to deal with the Ebola virus if it ever finds its way onto their shores, should be chastised for inviting EVD patients, through their unguarded statements, to run down to the USA.

The next step is to saturate all available media with sensitization information, indicating countless ways to prevent getting infected with EVD. The information should be so much that it drives people into a state of paranoia. You all should be scared to leave your homes, except absolutely necessary. When you leave your homes, you should step out dressed in long-sleeved clothes, to protect your skin from direct contact with another person's. In public buses and trains, there should be no crowding or pushing. Everyone should respect the next person's private space. 

Handshakes and hugs should be cut out. If you hear of a relative that is ill, don't go visiting them until they've been tested. A list of delicacies should be struck out from your regular menu. Such a list should contain apes, bats and bush rats. If your affected Western and European countries don't eat such, then you all should desist from eating frogs, toads and sushi. Whatever! Just do away with certain delicacies. Nigeria did same.

Great attention has to be paid to the issue of hygiene. For the USA and other affected European countries to successfully defeat EVD, this particular instruction should be strictly adhered to. Bathe with warm water and salt before 7:00hrs GMT on any date agreed upon Nationally. This message should be broadcast via text messages, BBM, WhatsApp, Facebook and Twitter. Some of you might find this particular instruction ridiculous and outright outrageous, due to your level of enlightenment and academic achievements. But hey! Most Nigerians did it (sadly enough, I didn't) and now W.H.O is about to give us the ALL CLEAR.

I know hand sanitizers are not new to the everyday lives of my western brothers. Well, they aren't new in Nigeria too, but EVD put hand sanitizers in a whole new light. So get out your tubes and jars of the perfumed disinfectant and use it generously on your hands, and other body parts if you are so inclined. Do you have the urge to turn hand sanitizers into your body cream? Then by all means, knock yourselves out. I know some of you are already saying to yourselves that hand sanitizers kill germs and bacteria, not viruses. You could either argue that -rightly for that matter- until thy kingdom come, or strive to be free like Nigeria. The choice is yours.

Having said all these, we can't laugh off the deadliness of the Ebola scourge. The death toll of over 3,000 people to the disease in West Africa alone and the recent death of Duncan in the USA proves how deadly it is. And the only way to seriously defeat it includes the following:

• -        Be more hygiene conscious
• -        Avoid contact with people who have taken ill with EVD
• -        Turn yourself over to the medical authorities as soon as you notice that you've come down with the symptoms.
• -        Adhere to treatment procedures as directed by certified medical professionals.
• -        Use toll free contact lines to report emergencies and suspected cases.
• -        DO NOT PANIC. NEVER LOSE HOPE.

Do not hesitate to call on Nigeria when next you need our assistance. Our lines are always available... depending on the network.

CHEERS!!!